3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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