If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
