..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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