guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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