I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize