Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
