I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
