We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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