New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
