After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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