Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize