My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize