So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
