Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
