Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
