Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
