Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
