you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
