I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
