and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
