There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
