So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
