sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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