There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
