you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize