dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We need a shit load of segways right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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