if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
