somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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