Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
