So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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