Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
