I got chris browned last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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