He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
