Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
