Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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