i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
