Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
