yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think i got beer on your cat.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
