I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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