I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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