...so i touched it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
