There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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