Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
