my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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