I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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