I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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