she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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