i can't believe i had my finger in that
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
