life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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