you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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