Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize