So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
