You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
