I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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