so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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