'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize