I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My ass is underappreciated
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
