so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
