how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
