I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
