Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
