I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize