Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Two words: blizzard sex
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
