dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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