you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
