I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
