Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
