I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize