Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
