i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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