Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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