Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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