my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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