All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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