Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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