I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
