just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
