The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
