i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
