after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize