and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
