Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
