R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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