so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
