Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
