Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
