i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
