im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize