You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just threw up on my dentist
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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