I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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