Someone shit on the floor
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize