somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You made out with two different species that night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
