I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
