3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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