I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
