a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
