Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I came so hard my ears popped.
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