i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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