we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
