Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
